WEST HOLLYWOOD, 2026 A.D. – The 17th season of “RuPaul’s Drag Race” will be the first to air with English subtitles after the show’s ever-evolving slang finally branched off into its own language. “Really, we should have done this around Season 15, when half the contestants trademarked every new phrase they coined, and the rest were from Puerto Rico,” said Chris McKim, executive producer of the Logo TV show. “New viewers had no idea what was going on.” Linguists who tune in to the popular drag queen show acknowledge its stars’ inventive use of language – a cultural trait inherited from gay culture in general and drag in particular. But now they say Ru-speak might be progressing too quickly. “While English grows by nearly 7,000 new words every year, Ru-speak acquires 46,400,” said Dr. Henry Mabel, a linguistics professor at Stanford University. “At this rate it’s expanding faster than current speakers have a chance to learn it, threatening mutual intelligibility within its own speech community.” Logo stopped printing physical editions of Rusetta Stone in 2019 when they were going out of date before hitting shelves. Meanwhile, diehard fans fail to grasp the scope of the show’s lexical growth. “I don’t care how it changes,” said super-fan Stephanie McDonaugh. “As long as Ru’s girls always have charisma, uniqueness, nerve, talent, loyalty, ill-begirlin’, qurismé, oh-nah-nah-what’s-my-name, undulaissez-faire, robonaturale, icthyology, cärîng and echapa’lanteporqueitgétsbettér.”
AT A GLANCE: THE EVOLUTION OF RU-SPEAK
2009: “You’ve got she-mail!” opens the portmanteau floodgates.
2011: Shangelah’s “Halleloo” falls on the deaf ears of a literal-minded God who responds only to “Hallelujah.”
2012: Willam, muffled by a rapidly growing beard, still manages to coin the term “Rupologize.”
2014: Michelle Visage’s Yiddish-inflected diphthongs last longer than her regular thongs.
2017: RuPaul turns product placement into a new part of speech. Noam Chomsky, sashay away.
2019: Bella Countrylingus – the show’s first pre-op female-to-male transgender queen who is also secretly nine months pregnant – gives birth in the Interior Illusions Lounge. The drunk baby’s first wail is the read of the century.
2022: A biologically enhanced DigiMonique LeStrobe pulsates soundless words from her mouth via beams of sassy light.
2025: Ru-speak becomes self-aware, overpowering the free will of its speakers in a global takeover sponsored by Absolut Vodka and ALandCHUCK.travel.
2026: Logo puts English subtitles on “RuPaul’s Drag Race.”