Crotch dandruff on toilet a bold declaration of self


AKRON, OHIO – Flakes of crotch dandruff often found on a toilet seat in the men’s room of Akron Insurance Co. are a bold declaration of employee Rod Gatchell’s self, say coworkers. “What the fuck, Rod? Would it kill you to clean up after yourself?” coworkers can often be heard muttering under their breath as they wipe away flecks they rightly assume are the 54-year-old sales executive’s scrotum debris – tiny, brash reminders that Gatchell still exists and impacts his environment despite the forces of entropy that conspire to bring him to an end. Often dark tan or a dusty gray, these pubic monuments to Gatchell’s transient but defiant existence usually rest on the area of the toilet seat where a sitting person’s crotch might hover. Their messy array often suggests a violent molting, like broken chains falling away from a fast-rising god. “When I was a kid, I used to have this friend who would tag his name on every wall. Rod is just like that kid,” said coworker Ben Schmidt. “But dry dick skin is so much worse than spray paint. Seriously, man, that’s what the Lysol is for.”

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